


The Philosophy of Nightmares and Patience

by Guardian_Rose



Series: The Philosophies of Magnus & Alec [5]
Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Night Terrors, Nightmares, patience - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 16:50:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7114252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Guardian_Rose/pseuds/Guardian_Rose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec decides it's time to tell Magnus about his nightmares.</p>
<p>Fluff and angst with a happy ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Philosophy of Nightmares and Patience

Magnus had woken up a few minutes ago to find his boyfriend tossing and turning in their bed, moaning and whimpering in his sleep. 

The sheets were wrapped around the shadowhunter but he was still shaking, Magnus sat up slowly. Ignoring the cold creeping into his feet from his lack of usual blankets.

The warlock sat up smoothly and scooted across the bed to be closer to Alec who was currently facing him with his eyes closed and face twisted in emotional agony. 

Magnus knew for a fact that he wasn’t physically injured, he checked every night with his magic, just before the warlock would nod off.

“Alexander, baby wake up.” He didn’t move to touch the other man, knowledge from all the times he’d tried appealing to the logical side of his brain.

It beat the emotional one in this case which was begging him to pull Alec into his arms and hold onto him forever.

The shadowhunter murmured something and turned closer to the warlock, he’d stopped shouting in his nightmares now. 

It had been gradual.

One night a week of quiet thrashing and muttering, then two a week, then three until he had stopped. 

The nightmares hadn’t though.

“Darling, wake up for me. It’s just a dream, I’m here and you’re safe.” Magnus says, it could take up to half an hour of gentle coaxing with his words to get him to wake up sometimes. 

If he tried to touch him the shadowhunter would throw a fist or kick whilst still asleep, once he had knocked Magnus out of the bed. Alec had woken up at the loud thump and had apologised profusely for days afterwards. 

So, he learnt it was best not to try and make physical contact with a sleeping shadowhunter when in the midst of mental battles.

“Alexander, you’re safe. Just wake up.” Magnus was exhausted, it had been like this for weeks now.

It was better now the shouting had stopped, it had taken one dramatic episode when they’d first gotten back together to persuade Alec it was better to move in with Magnus. The warlock had been infinitely grateful.

“Ma..gs…” 

Alec’s eyes fluttered and his expression turned to one of confusion, his eyebrows lifting slightly.

Magnus knew this was a sign that he was waking up, clawing his way out of the fog left from a bad dream. He laid a gentle hand on the shadowhunter's cheek; a physical reassurance of his presence.

“I’m here, darling.” He says as well. Watching and waiting for the other man to open his eyes.

“Mmmm. Sorry, Mags.” He says, finally letting the warlock see his striking sapphire eyes.

“Don’t be. You okay now?” Magnus asks.

This was a routine now. Every night. Magnus wakes him up, Alec apologises, the warlock tells him not to and asks if he’s okay. Alec always says yes even though Magnus knows he doesn’t mean it.

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

Everytime.

Alec shifts up and spreads the covers out more evenly. He sits up with his shoulders leaning back against the pillows and his head resting on the headboard. Magnus moves closer and lays his head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, his leg thrown over

The warlock wraps his arms around the taller man’s waist and finds his hand, gripping it lightly. Alec uses his other to play with the warlock’s hair. 

“Goodnight Alexander.” Magnus says softly.

Alec doesn’t reply and he would have assumed he’d gone back to sleep if not for the too fast breathing beneath him. If he went to sleep this soon it often ended in him returning to the nightmare anyway and a whole new round of bringing him down.

Magnus tries not to worry but the questions flit through his mind like paper, cutting him as they go.

Was this one worse? Was it not working, him living here? Was he finally tired of the nightmares and the constant, torturous routine just like Magnus? Was he going to leave?

“Magnus?” He says it as a question, seeing if I’m still awake. I hold my breathe.

“Yes?” The warlock's response is more of a question than an answer.

“I think...I...I want to, no. I need to talk about them. The nightmares.” 

This wasn’t what Magnus had been expecting.

They never talked about them. Went on with their lives like one would when a waitress got their order wrong. Forgetting about it and enjoying what they have.

“Are you sure?” Magnus checks, he doesn’t want Alec to be saying this because he thinks Magnus wants him to.

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

“I...um...I’m not sure where to start.” 

“Start at the beginning? When did they start or something like that?” 

“Okay, yeah. Right. I had the first one a couple days after we..split. I think it was on the day it had really hit me, you know? The reality of it all. I remember waking up in a cold sweat on my own in the dark. I couldn’t remember what I had dreamed, just that it had been...bad. Really bad.”

Magnus squeezes his hand and turns his head to plant a light kiss on his uncovered chest. They’re both just in pyjama bottoms.

“They weren’t as frequent to begin with but eventually it turned into every night. I never remembered what they were about, just the fear. Sometimes I’d wake up to find Izzy or Jace hanging over me looking concerned and...sad.” 

He stopped to think, Magnus knew it was difficult sometimes for him to figure out what he wanted to say. That’s what happened when you don’t let yourself feel for all your life. 

Magnus could feel him breathing faster and he started rubbing small circles on the back of Alec’s hand.

“Then I woke up in the container. There were all these kids, each of them either huddled into themselves crying or the ones who were asleep were stuck in nightmares. Like I had been. I...you know how Jace said the demons were using them for rogue vamp...food?” 

Magnus nodded then spoke up when he realised Alec couldn’t see as well as him in the dark. 

“Yes, I remember. You agreed with him but that’s not what it was, was it?”

“No. It wasn’t. They were...I think they were nightmare demons or something. They fed off of us, our night terrors. They’d try and keep us in this...this constant half asleep state. Stuck in-between reality and the nightmares I kept forgetting. It was hell. When I said it was in the food I wasn’t lying though, I’d eat and drink at least half of everyone else's just so they could have more of a chance of staying lucid.”

“Oh, my brave Alexander.” Magnus whispered. 

Alec chuckled but there was no humour in his voice.

“I just made it worse Magnus. I thought I was helping and I made it worse. They took the rest of them away when they realised what I was doing. Left me alone. I don’t know what happened to them. By the Angel, I don’t even want to! I should want to be out looking for them but I just don’t care!” 

The shadowhunter took a shuddering breath to calm himself. Magnus was staying silent now, not daring to speak. 

He had been wrong about the best case scenario. This was worse than the worst case situations he had imagined. 

This was pain and psychological torture, no wonder he was still having nightmares. 

It tore at the warlock to know that he hadn’t found him sooner. Bitter anger sparked in him at the shadowhunters who had only told him after Alec had been gone an entire week. It was out as quickly as it had flared though. 

What was done was done.

All he could do now is be there for Alec.

“The nightmares have gotten better since I’ve...moved in. I remember them which I think helps. It’s like I’m in a vacuum and that I’m back in that half-drugged up state again. Then I wake up and I see you and you make it all better Magnus. I don’t...I don’t know what I’d do without you…”

Magnus waited until he was sure Alec was finished before speaking.

“It’s going to be okay, baby. You’re going to get past this. You’re safe now and I’m never going to let you go again. I love you Alexander Gideon Lightwood and as long as I live you will never be taken away from me.” 

He planted more kisses on his chest, fluttering touches of lips to skin.

It’s an empty promise and they both knew it but the issue of immortality was not an appealing subject at that moment. It was the sentiment that mattered and the fact that Alec was slowly calming down. Relaxing at hearing the words.

“I love you too, Mags.” 

“I should expect so, I’m wonderful.” The warlock joked, trying to alleviate the atmosphere. 

It worked and Alec laughed quietly.

“That you are.” He agreed.

They lay in silence for a while until they both drifted off into sleep.

\----------

The next night Alec had another nightmare and the next and the next. 

Then he didn’t. 

For one blissful night they didn’t wake up and they were so surprised in the morning that they assumed they just forgot about waking up.

Then it happened again the week after.

Then twice the next week. Then four times. Then six.

Until it was a rare occasion, normally after a truly horrible day at the Institute or on patrol, that they would wake up in the dark and whisper comforting words to each other until they both drifted off in each other's arms.

It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t immediate. 

It took time and patience and love. But they got there. 

They’d both changed but they finally found a bit of peace and solidarity in their messed up world. Together.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! <3
> 
> I'm thinking that this is going to be the last in this series but if you want more or have suggestions, let me know and I'll do my best.
> 
> Any and all comments welcome!
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me.


End file.
